The idea of seeing a medium has been bouncing around in the back of my mind for years. Nearly thirty three years since I lost my brother, Jeff, to suicide. There was no note. I was gutted. Why had this happened? I needed answers. John Edwards was a fairly new phenomenon back then and he had been a guest speaker at my college at the time. I don’t remember what he said that night, but I knew there could be an answer to my questions by visiting him. But I didn’t persue it.
There were a couple of local psychics in my hometown and one reached out to a family member a while after my brother died. She said my brother had visited her on the night he died and he wanted her to tell my mother he was OK. He mentioned very specific jewelry in her posession that no one else would know about. I imagine she was terrified to bring this information to my mother knowing we were a devout Catholic family who didn’t go in for other wordly nonsense.
Several years after that, another woman reached out and said Jeff wanted to speak to my mom. My sister convinced her to visit this woman and what she learned I only know via my sister because mom never talked about it. He thanked her for holding onto his class ring in her jewelry box. I was conflicted about wanting to visit one for myself. What if he didn’t want to talk to me? What if this was something I should just let go? Would God want me to talk to the dead?
Many, many more years passed and this past November my sister-in-law saw a psychic/medium. She lost her son in September 2016 to a heroin overdose and the idea of connecting with him likely appealed to her although she was quite skeptical about it. The things she told me from that reading left goosebumps on my skin. There were things said no one else knew about. I was hooked and thought this is finally my time to do this.
Shortly after returning from our Thansgiving vacation, I reached out my sisters to let them know what I was doing and asked if they were in. Yes, yes! Hardly a minute passed between my asking and their answering and I quickly made an appointment for this week. It was a six hour round trip drive but I might have driven further, so excited was I to finally make a connection with my long dead brother. Sometimes it seems like yesterday that he passed. Perhaps we would even hear from our mom too.
We arrived too early and our conduit to the past was still eating his lunch. We offered to wait in the car until our appointment time but he shuffled his lunch into the kitchen, half eaten and ushered us into his “reading” room. He gave us his background and soon we had a rapport built on some comonalities – he grew up not far from us. The reading began admist this easy chit chat and people made themselves known to him. Primarily our mother and brother. There were no crystal balls or tarot cards in sight.
I won’t go into all that was said, but so much of it rang true and how he could possibly know any of it is the biggest mystery of life. My brother was sorry, he said, that we had to find him the way we did. He didn’t realize how messy it was going to be. I have been so mad at him all these years for this and now I can let it go. This was probably the most significant aspect of the reading for me. My mom said there is a daughter who got her mouth (quiet) and her looks – that is me. She said she was sorry for that. Maybe it’s because I always felt a bit of an outcast in a society who loves extroverts. I’ve come to terms with this one too.
The medium told me he could see I have faith. He could see me glowing and happy. He could see angels around me and he picked up on the fact I say the rosary. He said my prayers are being heard and to keep them going. I have been feeling more and more connected with God through my daily prayers and it has given me peace and a simple level of happiness I didn’t know I could have.
There were other things. Other relatives coming through. They really just wanted to say hello. No bombshells came through. It was less dramatic than I expected and it ended in just over an hour. Did it leave me wanting more? Yes and no. It did nothing more than validate that I thought there was something more after this life and that our loved ones are always with us, following us on our travels (my brother said he was with me when I visited the Vatican which I did in 2004, 2005 and 2011). Jeff told us our list-writing, patient and teasing mom is exactly the same where they now are. The medium said he was rolling his eyes with humor when he said this. He also said my golden dog is with her, the one with all the lumps which Murphy had in spades. These are all a comfort to me and I don’t have to wonder about the next life any more.