Looking for some writing inspiration this morning I picked up Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic, Creative Living Beyond Fear. Right there in the first pages she states the thing I need to hear – “living a life that is driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear”.
I realize I have been living much of the time in fear mode lately. About what? Everything. Mostly my teenager. And this has distracted me from pouring myself into writing, from living in peace and joy. And most importantly, it has impacted how I’ve been relating to the teenager. It hasn’t been good.
I’ve had a few aha moments about this relationship over the past few days and why it’s so tricky. What it comes down to is I need to be more curious, less judgey, less full of my own expectations. Someone once said your kids will change from the happy, bouncy puppy of their pre-pubescent years into a skittering cat who doesn’t want to be pet or garnered with attention unless he chooses it.
We are in the muck of it now and people tell me this won’t last, it won’t be forever. Eventually the puppy will be back and the relationship will shift and heal. It’s hard to look that far into the future and so holding my gaze steadily on the present, I must look for more ways to be curious. I need to remind myself that everything is coming into my life for a reason, to teach me something, to help me grow.
And so I need to get back to writing, to myself, with courage and hope and love.
MC
I Am Writing 
Yes, you do! Writing is like the kindest friend standing by and (except for the slight tapping on the pane of the mind) silently waiting to paint something with you. Living with a teenager is like watching him or her falling down (or up) the stairs to get to another floor. (And worse.) If you try to point out a handrail, you will indeed find an unknown cat hissing in this $%&@ trap of house! I hope it’s all necessary so that everyone CAN let go into adulthood, and it does level out, but much of it is uncharted and scary-serious. It’s a good time to go *paint with a friend.* ❤
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Yes to everything you said! Particularly about pointing out the handrail.
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I love the line, ” must look for more ways to be curious. I need to remind myself that everything is coming into my life for a reason, to teach me something, to help me grow.” Wow, that just hit me straight between the eyes as truth. And curiosity vs judgment regarding our kids – yes! When I’m judgmental I feel that closing down, tightening of my aperture but when I’m curious, it’s the opposite feeling – open and expansive and feels more like love. Beautifully written and insightful.
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I’m glad you found this helpful. Parenting is one of the trickiest things I have encountered so far in my life and I constantly need to remind myself of these things.
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