I have been away from the blog for a bit (the post I published yesterday was written a few month’s ago). It has not been an auspicious beginning for me with the new site! I was stumped as to why I had such a block against writing and so instead of ringing my hands over it any longer, I made it as simple as possible and started putting pen to paper for the last two months. It may have done the trick!
I wrote about anything and everything that popped into my brain. What happened during the day. How I slept. What I ate. Who I saw. It was painfully dry! Then something started happening and I began to wake up early (5:00/5:30) eager to open the notebook and let my thoughts pour out.
Much of the early stuff I wrote was about my shopping ban and things that were coming up for me during this period. I wrote down things I had never told anyone about my finances when I was in my early 30’s, things I was so ashamed of, but the act of putting them on paper allowed me to release them and let go and boy did that feel good! What I learned during my shopping ban will likely make into its own post at some point too.
I was also struggling with some issues that were happening in my life that were leaving me less than peaceful and I knew it was because my recovery effort had stalled. I double downed and got back on track with it. If I hadn’t been writing, it may have taken me longer to figure out what I needed. Also, I began to start each passage with this prayer:
This returned me to a peaceful mind. I still recite it each morning before I begin the day. I always need to be reminded that I have to turn myself to His hands and stop being the control freak I want to be. Some things are so hard to let go of!
There was/is also a lot going on with the family dynamic and my son’s behavior. I wrote it all out. I created my own prayers about it and included them under the third step prayer that I started each day’s entry with. It really helped! There is much more to say on this topic so I will leave it to its own entry. But, really. Writing these things down and getting them out of my mind was a tremendous help.
So I am cautiously optimistic I may be able to produce more blog content (I am a marketer if that phrase didn’t make that clear) and get on a regular schedule of posting. It really feels good to be writing again!