I don’t tend to live life thinking something bad is awaiting me around every corner. I do tend to take life at face value so there are many times when I’m caught off guard or unpleasantly surprised. So I guess you could say I rarely have premonitions. There was the day nearly two years ago when I was alone at church because I had an afternoon writing class and Jim took Liam skiing for the day. My phone kept buzzing during mass, but like the good Catholic I am, I kept ignoring it.
After about the fourth time and with communion over, I realized it must be something important. I grabbed my pocketbook and left mass, pulling my phone out as I walked down the aisle. Three missed calls from Jim and two from dad. I didn’t need a premonition to tell me something was wrong and before I could dial Jim, he was calling me again to tell me my mom had died.
It wasn’t unexpected but it was still pretty painful to hear and face on my own. I sat in my car for a while. I talked to a number of family members and they were starting to gather at our family home which was two hours away. My mom died in her sleep during a nap on a bed we had set up in the living room after she had a bad fall the previous November. My dad was visiting with a nun/friend and after not hearing anothing from my mom after a while, she asked my dad to check on her only to realize she was no longer breathing.
Mom had a myriad of health problems and breathing was really hard for her even though she had never smoked. To have her die such a peaceful death was a true gift. Although the emergency crew came and were determined to bring her back, we were fortunate our neighbor who is a trooper and knew my mom was there to stop them because she did not want to be revived. Her DNR had been affixed to the fridge.
Tomorrow marks the second anniversay and while I miss her immensely, I only have to remember her quality of life and be happy she is now free of the physical impediments of this life.