During our yoga retreat a couple weeks ago, our instructor, Julie, talked about creating vision boards to set and guide our intentions. A few years ago I bought myself a small (12”x12”) bulletin board and clipped a few things that I wanted to see in my life. It was on my nightstand and then it slipped to the floor. I moved it to the office area and then when we renovated last year it got tucked away somewhere and I can no longer find it. What was on it? A house. I can’t remember what else.
I started small and then went big. I began a vision journal about the same time I quit drinking. When you drink too much, the days seem to roll along and things happen and you’re not really in control of your life. And then abruptly, you want everything about your life to be different and that’s how I was feeling in late 2015. A board couldn’t contain everything I wanted to change. I clipped and pasted page upon page of what I wanted my new life to look like. Day by day things got better and then I stopped adding to my vision journal and then I stopped looking at it altogether. Julie’s prompt got me thinking about my current life intentions and so I grabbed my journal and every magazine I have tucked away to start looking for a new, refreshed vision.
Amongst the stack of magazines, there was a manilla envelope with the word “CHILDREN” written in my dad’s scrawl. Curious, I set the magazines aside and decided to take a peek. It contained random mementos. Old grade school report cards, my wedding program, a program from a dance recital in 1979!, and various class pictures (by third grade I was no longer the shortest kid in my class but I was the only one who looked like the sister of Holly Hobby). I scanned the back of my wedding program where the words to Van Morrison’s Don’t Look Back were typed out. After revisiting my various report cards, I could think of no truer words than those.
I wasn’t a good student. I might have been an average student with mostly B’s and a couple of A’s and C’s. I set aside my sixth grade report card to show Liam, who just finished the same grade. I want him to know his imperfect mom, even down to the comment from the teacher that I had begun to “socialize too much”. His grades are so much better than mine yet we always struggle with comments from his teachers about behavior and talking too much. The bottom line is I am not a reflection of my sixth grade report card and neither will he be.
It’s time to reset my vision and don’t look back.